Ode to the pizza burger

As far as Midwestern food goes, it’s hard to beat the pizza burger as conceived by The Mom. Deceptively simple, it makes for a stunning meal that is sure to silence those that say North Dakotans can’t cook.

Since I have now been left to my own devices for three dinners throughout the week, the pizza burger is making a strong comeback. I think the pizza burger and Pittsburgh are meant for each other. Really, wherever it is, the pizza burger rises to the occasion.

Want in on this goodness? If you can operate a knife, a spoon, and an oven, you’re set! Kids and SUV owners, you may want to ask for help.

Ingredients

  • English muffins (1 to infinity – they’re that good)
  • Pizza sauce (1 jar/can, unless you have an infinite number of muffins. Then two should suffice.)
  • Cheez Whiz ® (1 jar. This stuff’s bottomless. Remember: use only the very best in processed cheese-like substances for these culinary delights.)

Preparation

  1. Turn on the oven. Set it to Broil, or whatever comes after that.
  2. Cut the English muffins in half. The long way, Skippy. Stop cutting the muffin before you get to the hand that you’re probably holding the muffin in.
  3. Lay the muffins out on a cookie sheet and spread the Whiz on top of them. Then give each muffin a spoonful of sauce. Looks good already, doesn’t it? But wait!

Cooking Instructions

  1. Put the pan in the broiler. Leave it in for a while, at least until the edges of the muffin get all nice and toasty. Bonus points for blackened edges and black spots. (What are they? Burnt sauce? Burnt Whiz? No one knows.)

Eating Instructions

  1. Two bites should be sufficient to down each muffin. If you can’t eat at least ten in one sitting, you’re a girly man.
  2. They go well with beer too. Kids, drink up!
September 23 2004